A Call for Re-Connecting With Your Inner Empowerment

By Nora Sabahat Takieddine, February 27, 2014

Ever find yourself in a big meeting, wishing you could speak up and share your ideas without second-guessing yourself or feeling self-conscious? Ever chicken out on taking initiative on a project that you actually care about? Ever look at someone and think, man, I wish I could be more confident like that person? Ever want to try something new but somehow feel paralyzed? Like, inside you, there was a sense that you just can’t do it?

Feeling disempowered just doesn’t feel good. It feels like being shackled. There’s a certain heaviness to it. Where does it come from? How does it happen? It is an important question to ask – how do we become disempowered? But , more importantly, how do we reconnect with our sense of empowerment? Yes, I’m saying “re” connect. Because, at one point in each of our lives, we did feel powerful and empowered. And the interplay between our experiences, the messages we receive from our environment and internalize, and our unique temperament continues to shape our sense of empowerment.
Think about a toddler during dinner time. I’ve seen many mothers engaged in the dance of trying to feed their toddler and the toddler wanting to grab the spoon out of her mother’s hand to feed herself. Even if she tried and spilled the food all over herself (as toddlers are prone to do), the toddler was internally driven to try. She believed that she could. And, in certain ways, it was true. Some may point out that she was “failing” because she was spilling the food everywhere. But that is not seeing the whole beautiful process. The toddler keeps trying, dipping that spoon into the bowl, again and again,and making a big mess of things. Sure, there may be different variables influencing how this moment is taking place, the emotions and the messages the toddler is receiving from her environment. But if we consider the experience of every part of that motion, we realize that the toddler’s fiasco was actually what determination, confidence, action and self-expression looks like. She was, in fact, reaching her hand out, wrapping her little fingers around the spoon, holding it, pulling it out of her mother’s hand, moving it towards her, trying to coordinate it spatially towards her mouth, etc. And every part of that is tremendously empowering. She was literally discovering her own power.

So what are the elements at play? According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, to empower means “to give official authority or legal power to”. That definition seems to refer to one aspect of empowerment. Let’s consider empowerment along two dimensions instead of one: external empowerment and internal empowerment. External empowerment is what the dictionary is describing. It would include all the forces outside of us that impact our ability to do something such as laws/regulations, finances, cultural structures, school structures, family systems, etc. Internal (or inner) empowerment refers to our inner sense of empowerment – our belief that we are powerful; that we are able to do something; that “Yes! We can”. Are the two types of empowerment different? Absolutely! Think of the people you know who have all the external resources to empower themselves such as finances, legal backing, and cultural advantage – and yet somehow they express a sense of inability. On the other hand, consider the people you know who have so much standing against them, yet their sense of personal ability is unwavering. And of course there are people all along the spectrum of external and internal empowerment, and experiencing varying degrees of empowerment in different circumstances and situations in their lives.

There is a continuous interplay between external and internal empowerment. Moreover, our sense of empowerment in a given moment may not in fact accurately reflect our full empowered potential. Often times, we may have experienced moments of disempowerment in the past that shape our perception of ourselves long after we grow to overcome the situation. Take the well-known fable about an elephant held in its place by a rope. One day, a traveler came through a village and found this great big powerful elephant with an easily breakable rope around its foot. The traveler was alarmed and asked the trainer, “Aren’t you afraid the elephant will break free?” “Not at all,” replied the trainer, “the elephant will not try. He was tied with this rope since he was a baby and does not realize that he has become more powerful than the rope”

So what can you do?
Fortunately, our sense of empowerment – or lack thereof – is not fixed. Just as our connection with our inner empowerment may have been “bent” out of shape by life experiences, so too can we unravel the messages and memories that confine us and reconnect us with our inner empowerment again. Here are a few things you can try to deepen your connection with your sense of empowerment and disempowerment.

  1. Map out your experience: One place to begin is to start noticing when it is that you feel disempowered and when it is you feel empowered. Start an evening journal to jot down events in your day and your different sense of empowerment. Chances are you’ll start to notice a pattern.
  2. Drink in the empowered moments: Take a moment to reflect on the parts of the day when you felt empowered. See if you can notice what that feels like in your body. How were you standing? What were you thinking? How did it make you feel? Let yourself enjoy this moment of feeling strong and powerful. 
  3. Notice any inhibiting inner messages: Once you have a sense of moments when you feel disempowered, see if you can start to notice the inner dialogue going on inside you during those moments. What defeating messages might you be telling yourself? 
  4. Reposition yourself: As you become more aware of the moments of disempowerment and the self-limiting messages you tell yourself, take a “time-out” next time you find yourself in such a situation. For instance, if you’re at work when it happens, go to the bathroom to center yourself. Take slow, deep calming breaths, and look at yourself in the mirror with a smile that remembers the toddler with the spoon. Remember the different moments in your life when you felt empowered and let that feeling deepen inside you. Shift your body into the position you hold when you feel empowered. A big smile, just for you in the mirror, goes a long way. Know that you are a-ok, and you are learning and growing through this moment.


Unlock the ties holding you down by working with a professional: It’s pretty straight forward. Just as we can experience more effective results when we workout with a personal trainer, similarly, we can deepen our access to inner empowerment by working with a professional therapist. There is a wealth of resources lying within you. It is never too late to start unlocking the different binds that are holding you back.